Can’t Wait for You to Fall Asleep, Can’t Wait for You to be Awake

Being a mom is exhausting. Trying to put a baby to sleep, while you’re tired, is always a personal battle. You go into the dim lit room, white noise playing in the background, AC on, perfect enough for anyone to fall asleep in. Although the room is set up to be relaxing, your mind is racing.

“God, I wish he would just fall asleep”

“I’m about two seconds away from putting you down and letting you figure it out yourself”

“Do I just give in and sleep with him? I know he’ll fall asleep faster and I’m tired too..”

“MUST. RESIST. BE. PRODUCTIVE.”

Your swaddled up newborn fights you with their tears as he tries to break out of his straight jacket. You’re holding him, bouncing, rocking, swaying. Walking back and forth. Walking back and forth. He finally calms down so you sit and rock him. Then he starts crying again for you to stand up. You’re fighting to keep your own eyes open so you could at least be productive or try and relax when you do finally get the baby to sleep. It seems like this moment is never going to end.

Finally after what seems like hours but was probably only 15 minutes, you get baby to sleep.

Before you put him down you look in your arms and the world stops. You examine the roundness of your little one’s nose. How small their ears are. How their eyes don’t have a single wrinkle and despite their lack of sleep you couldn’t tell from their eyes. The underneath of their eyes don’t match the underneath of yours. That little baby acne pimple. The crazy hair. Those perfect round cheeks. Square chin. Not a wrinkle in sight. No acne scars, blackheads. Barely any eyebrows. You’re holding an entire person in just your two arms. A person that YOU created. A person that will only be this small for so long. A little person that will only need you this much at this point in time. You find yourself admiring him for so long that you actually have to snap yourself out of it and remind yourself what you were going to do next.

You two are the only ones who exist in the world at this moment.

Personally, this moment is my favorite.

Don’t let these moments slip through your fingers because your mind keeps telling you how exhausted you really are. Just BE where you are. I know you’re tired mama, me too. But if you meditate and change your perspective, it will change the way you’re feeling too. You will sleep again, hang in there.